Letting someone in

I am thinking of a room mate. Life is not cheap and I like to do things. I like to travel. China peaked my interest and left me craving more of the world. I like cameras. No, I love cameras. I love capturing humanity... candid or posed. I love books. I cannot get enough of the written word. None of these things are cheap. Getting a roommate would alleviate a lot of financial burden. It would be nice to not be alone for the holidays. It would be nice to not be alone.
But, can I let someone in? I am difficult. I am emotional, messy and chaotic. I have a lot of stuff. I can be selfish and needy. I am filled with flaws that can be disguised as quirks and charm. The disguise does not last long.

I am torn between fearing change and loving change. I worry.

So, the story goes...

Another day, another dollar. I spent my afternoon apartment hunting. There is something exciting about a new place. A new beginning. It seems to be a theme in my life right now.

I have one of those books, okay, I have several... You know, the ones that inspired the movie "The Bucket List." 1,000 Places to see Before you Die. 2,001 Things to do Before you Die. Astonish Yourself! 101 Expirements in the Philosophy of Everyday Life. These are just the ones that grace my desk bookshelves. I sometimes wonder, do people write these books to inspire or do they write them in hopes that one day they'll be able to witness someone doing something idiotic because their book told them to. Maybe it's a mixture of both. There is a certain release in having the freedom to make an idiot of yourself... and enjoy it. I try to accomplish something from one of my many "Bucket List" books every day... at the very least, every week. There are some that I will never complete... I will never throw my panties at Tom Jones. Sad, I know. Today, I danced with glee. Completely uninhibited and free. It was lovely.

I leave you with this...

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like the fabulous yellow roman candles exploding."
Jack Kerouac


What will you do today?

To you I say...

take your darn list and shove it!

I do not get paid enough to deal with this.

In a Cafe near you...

I watched you today.
Perfect stranger with your striped tights.
I watched you watch people.
You snagged the best seat in the house,
A worn old cushy chair facing the window.
Diary in one hand, caffinated heaven in the other.
I watched you today
and I wondered.
A couple pass by
Your tea gets neglected
as you scribble furiously in your aged notebook.
Your foot taps lightly as you nibble on your eraser.
I watched you today and wondered...
who's watching me?

Sold! To the highest bidder...

My sister's mother in law has decided she wants me as a daughter in law as well. She has two eligible sons and would like for me to take my pick.
Oh, the ways this is wrong...
1.I'll start with the most obvious. I'm married. I do not live with my husband, nor have I for the last 5 years. But still, I'm married.
2. I find it to be horribly disfunctional to shop for a new mate within the family. In laws are just like step sibilings... they are related to you by marriage. I would like my family tree to branch wide, thank you.
Now on to the more delicate reasons...
3. There are assumptions that I am interested in sharing my life with one of these two gentlemen. To that I say, no chance in hell. They both seem like very intelligent and capable young men. They also seem quirky beyond measure (hey, I'm quirky and tolerant... but not that tolerant), very extreme, and we have nothing in common.
4. There are also assumptions that they are interested in me. Boy, am I not their type. I do not enjoy water sports, I do not enjoy jumping off of cliffs. I do not smoke. I do not cook. Really, I'm rather difficult to live with and nearly impossible to be in a relationship with.

I certainly do not hear wedding bells...

It's Official...

I went to the Dr. and she confirmed it. I do have PCOS. I have been throwing my self quite the pity party lately and have decided to pull myself out of it. So, maybe it'll be harder to get pregnant. I have wanted children all my life. I dream about having babies. Which makes me more than willing to jump through any necessary hoops to have them.
Now, I look to the bright side. I have a name and a reason for all those things I hate about myself. Maybe even a solution that will make many of them go away. What's not to love about that? Maybe I'm not bipolar. Maybe I'm not overweight because I'm a lazy slob. Maybe I'm not cursed and the powers that be aren't picking on me. Maybe, really, I am just hormonal.. of the wrong kind. Maybe I'll have energy again. God, I can't even remember what that feels like.

So, I give you the new me. Well, not yet. I give you the beginning of the cocoon that will be the new me. If, no.. Once, I transform, maybe I'll be strong enough to start a revolution!


I should probably start by getting some sleep. It's way past my bedtime...

I am soo needing to go to bed...

But, not matter how hard I try, I can't drag myself away from the computer. My eyes are literally burning. As in, actual physical pain... but I am so desperate for human interaction of the technology variety, that I just keep checking all my sites to see if someone...anyone, wants to talk.
And, there is no one. Because who in their right mind is up this late?

Playing hookey

You know, I'm not quite sure how to spell that. I left work today. I just couldn't handle being there anymore, so I'm taking a me day. I should be cleaning my apartment, folding laundry maybe even dragging out the Halloween Decorations. Eh, I really don't feel like it. I think I'm going to take a me day tomorrow too.

Today belonged to Murphy's Law

I dread saying this as there is still 2 and 1/2 hours left in the day, but I just don't think that today could get any worse. I won't bore you with all of my woe's.. I'll stick with the one that is weighing the heaviest on my mind...
PCOS. Polycystic ovary syndrome. The leading cause of infertility. Of the 8 symptoms listed on Wikkipedia, I have 6. Possibly 7 as I do not know whether I am fertile or not.
I don't even think I can talk about this

Ah, the criminal minds found in my great city...

Found from a local police blotter...

~A woman is found outside of her home, dancing naked. When questioned, she admitted to naked dancing and feeling like maybe, just maybe, someone was watching her.

~Trees are found cut down in a protected wetland. Suspect is questioned and claims the tree had already fallen before he cut it down.

~An unknown suspect cut the lock and took off with a local golf cart. ( High speed chase sure to follow)

~ The suspect entered a business that was closed. The clerk refused service. The suspect proceeded to assult the clerk by throwing several rolls of cough drops.


I ask you, what is the world coming to?