Tonight...

was a drunk mess of fun. Drinking is full of empty calories and hung over regrets, but I had an absolutely amazing time. And, I needed it. Really, the world is full of the most incredible people.

Today is THE DAY!

Well folks, it's "Go Time." I have wallowed, I have cried. I have nearly given up and I have hated him and myself, a lot. But, today is different. Because:

Today is the day I let things go.

Today is the day I find my strength.

Today is the day where I realize, I am worth it.

Today is the day I begin new.

I am about to drop the ugly statistics. Be kind. I have never admitted this to anyone...

My weight: 249lbs. Ugh. There I said it. But you can't tell anyone. I start my meds tomorrow for the PCOS. Metformin. They say it helps with weight loss on top of regulating my ovulation. It is not a diet drug by any means. They also say it causes diarrhea. No wonder people lose weight with it. So, I give you me...

This is not a me that I am proud of. But there I am. I think I am only willing to admit this because I am determined for change. We'll see how it goes.

The first 190 lbs should be the easiest, right?

So, my husband is divorcing me. He told me through a text message. He hasn't talked to me since the week I told him I have PCOS. I am sure I have something clever to say about this... I just can't find it right now.

My First Ever Picture Blog...

::Cue heroic fan fare:

I cooked today. I never cook. Never. As a matter of fact, I haven't been grocery shopping in months. I cleaned out my fridge in preperation of this momentous event and took three large garbage bags down to the dumpster. Digusting, I know. But, that was the past. This is day one of the new me...(for now) I picked up an issue of "Clean Eating." This magazine is brilliant. Inside was an article called... 5 meals for $50. It came completed with recipies and a grocery shopping list.



Day One: Salmon Patties with Summer Squash and Zucchini

This is what it's supposed to look like

Here's the Journey

The recipie called for Carrots, peeled and grated.

They assume I have a peeler and grater.

I do not. I have a big knife. That is all.

No small carrots here... oh no, we like 'em big and chunky.

Yummy!

The final product!

Not quite the picture, but absolutely delicious.

The best part: less than $5. to serve 4

Per Serving: Calories: 210 Fat: 4.5

Today, I tried alligator meat.

Eh. It wasn't great, it wasn't terrible. It just was.

Drove out of town today to visit my mom. Ah, the lessons learned on the great paved road. I was reminded of why I live less than a mile from my work and why I hate to drive. Today, I give you... "Profiles of those who should not be allowed to drive."


Eyes below the steering wheel lady: You frequently see her in movies and wonder if she really exists. She does. You are on the freeway and somehow get behind a car that is older than you are and surely is longer than most houses. You can not see the head of the driver, for she is not tall enough to be seen...even though she is neatly situated on several pillows or phone books. Cars are zipping by on your left, giving you no opportunity to pass. You are stuck doing 40 in a 60 zone.. cursing the DMV employee who is probably having a chuckle at your expense.

The Hick with a "sense of humor": His truck towers over your vehicle. His window are down and Garth Brooks is blaring from his speakers. If you were to be behind him, more than likely you would find yourself looking at a metal nutsack hanging from his hitch or mudflaps with a womans silhouette. His back window probably sports a decal with the phrase "Git er done!" He fancies himself quite the driver and likes to "race". Sure, you may need to get over to take your exit. But, he thinks you are playing a game. You speed up to pass, he speeds up. You slow down to get behind him, he slows down. His entertainment comes only from your frustration. Guess what kids, we are taking the long way home.

The Yuppy: There he sits in his 1985 BMW. You would not be able to find a speck of dust in his car or a hair out of place. He drives, meticulously, with hands stationed at ten and two. You can typically find him in the center lane, driving at 60mph, exactly. (OK, he can have is liscence... atleast he is safe)

The Soccer Mom: Beating errant children with one hand and chatting on her cell with the other, you can find this brilliant motorist directly behind you. By directly, I mean driving on your tail so close that you couldnt fit a toothpick between your car and her SUV. You would not understand her need to hurry as your life is in no way anywhere near as hectic or trying as hers is. Buy her a cup of coffee, and she would tell you all about the husband that doesn't pay attention anymore and the trials of being such a "caring" mom who no one appreciates.

I'd continue on, but I have homework to do.




"Life begets life. Energy creates energy. Itis by spending oneself that one becomes rich."
Sarah Bernhardt

I did it!

I put in for a transfer. Change is on the horizon. I hope.

Letting someone in

I am thinking of a room mate. Life is not cheap and I like to do things. I like to travel. China peaked my interest and left me craving more of the world. I like cameras. No, I love cameras. I love capturing humanity... candid or posed. I love books. I cannot get enough of the written word. None of these things are cheap. Getting a roommate would alleviate a lot of financial burden. It would be nice to not be alone for the holidays. It would be nice to not be alone.
But, can I let someone in? I am difficult. I am emotional, messy and chaotic. I have a lot of stuff. I can be selfish and needy. I am filled with flaws that can be disguised as quirks and charm. The disguise does not last long.

I am torn between fearing change and loving change. I worry.